Viggo

There’s been a lot of talk lately about the nature of truth. I can hardly open Reddit without seeing a new post about AlternativeFacts™  – but it’s not just on the Internet: they’re talking about it all over the university, in the supermarkets and on the tram – and this is the U.K. I can only imagine the coverage our American cousins are experiencing.

I’ve been so flooded with information about misinformation that I feel like an expert. That is, I’ve lost all my passion about my subject and everyone else is getting credit for stuff I already thought.

How can I regain my love for hating this situation? I asked myself, waiting for the kettle and ignoring the dramatic BBC News alert on my phone.

Then it struck me: why hate something that I could use for my own advantage to improve the lives of my millions of blog readers? After all, I’d been thinking for a long time how much more convenient it would be if some untrue things suddenly became simply alternative.

For example, I’d been trying for a while to interest my friends in the antics of Viggo ‘Aragorn out of LotR’ Mortensen. Yet despite the fact that he’s a genuinely interesting character in his own right, no one took the bait. Here was my chance. I could finally present Viggo as the incredible personality that he wasn’t. Thank you, Mr President.

My first port of call was Greg, previously mentioned on this blog, who also happens to be the hugest Lord of the Rings fan I have ever met.

Unfortunately, such is his dedication to the Rings’ universe that my so-called alternative fact had to be hastily embellished.

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So far, my attempts to embellish Viggo’s character were thwarted by the undeniable coolness of Viggo Mortensen. I had to go further.

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Damn. Not only had I found out that my friends are inherently way wittier than me, I was not causing the stir I had hoped. Maybe it was time to branch out of film-related alternative facts.

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????

I’d basically revealed that this guy is an actual Bond villain, and not a ripple.

I have to face it: I am no politician. My alternative are just too close to mainstream facts. Time to head back to the drawing board.

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