Money, as they say, makes the world go round. It’s what lets us get food and clothes, and without it we’d be hungry and naked and they wouldn’t let us on the tube. If we didn’t have money, we’d have no reason to pop to the bank, and the bank is the only place in Prague I know with air-con.
Let’s not forget, though, that money, as they say, is the root of all evil. Money, as they say, burns a hole in our pockets. Rich people are universally considered the worst bastards in the world and will be the first to be guillotined come the revolution. There’s a reason so many lottery winners end up so deeply miserable.
Reader, you know I have your best interests at heart, but I also have my own interests to consider. Luckily I’ve devised an elegant plan that’s sure to help both of us out of this interminable jam. Simply by giving me one million GBP, you, my dearest reader, will alleviate multiple ills: I will be able to spend more time being artificially cooled in my local branch of Raiffeisenbank, and you’ll no longer be subjected to the horrible pressure implied by having serious dollar.
If that’s not enough to convince you, I’ve compiled this short list of reasons why you, the reader, should give me, Ro Daniels, £1 million.
i don’t have it
This is perhaps the most important reason to give me £1 million.
i want it
This is perhaps the second most important reason to give me £1 million.
i would use it mostly for good and only slightly for evil
When contemplating giving me £1 million, one of your questions might be what I’d use my riches for. I believe in openness and honesty and I would like to reassure you that I’d largely be a philanthropic member of the ruling elite, and only occasionally use your kind donation to send the boy that sat opposite me in GCSE Maths into lower orbit.
i am a good egg
I’m sure I don’t even need to tell you this – you’ve read my charming hot takes on current events. If anyone deserves £1 million, it is me.
you would get very good karma
What goes around comes around. I am not promising that I would give you £1 million if you gave me £1 million, but it is more possible than if you didn’t.
i will stop asking if u do it
And, by now, this must be significant motivation.
i would give you a discounted coffee next time u came to prague
I am a humble barista and I do not have the authority to give you anything for free, but I might be able to wangle you a 15% discount.